Beginner’s Pluck

I like to think of myself as two things: thick-skinned and not easily disappointed. I understand that the world works in mysterious ways, and there are some things best left untouched. So when something doesn’t go my way, I digest it and move on. Live and learn, baby!

You can sway things in your direction, though, as I did when I approached the Mystery of Buying a House. I read, I researched, I surfed. My husband and I made a good choice. A little paint here, new wallpaper there. Homestead. Done. I’ve seen it all on HGTV, my own personal Mecca, so how hard could it be? I was invincible.

I tore off the kitchen wallpaper, no biggie. Scraped off the remainder, no problemo. Clean, bare walls. A clean slate. My husband was impressed with my new talent. What now? Ah ha! Wainscoting is back in style, perfect for our breakfast nook, which serves as a hub of conversation and activity. What could be more charming?

I’d seen wainscoting and paneling applied a hundred times on t.v. There were simple mounting and application directions at the wood manufacturer’s website. Furthermore, it was cheap! For less than a hundred bucks, I could have the coziest nook in the neighborhood.

Four hundred dollars and nine trips to Home “Take my Money, Please” Depot later, I had wainscoting. Sort of. First, never underestimate the power of panel adhesive. Or the manufacturer’s suggestion to “nail or glue, or BOTH”. I stayed up until 2am on a weekday applying the 6 different panels, delicately trimming around the window sill profile, with much first-timer success. I got the hang of the panel adhesive right away. That night my dreams were filled with images of “Architectural Digest” banging at my door for a center spread.

I came down the next morning looking forward to a cozy cup of joe in my cozy nook before I went to my cozy job (where there is no wainscoting). And there, my cozy wainscoting had popped away from the walls, every piece of it. Was I disappointed? Where was my thick skin now? I held back tears and grabbed a hammer. I could still look forward to applying the upper and lower trim. Right?

Two hundred dollars, 2 bruised thumbs, one quart of polyurethane, and six Purdy brushes later, I had trim. Sort of. What appeared to be a smooth, flat, plumb wall when I was stripping wallpaper now showed its contorted face. Gaps between the trim and the wall could only be remedied by one thing: panel adhesive, gently poked into the chasms. After which my husband and I leaned against each 36-inch section, in turn, for up to 20 minutes at a time, to assure a tight fit. Ah, the things we do for love. And HGTV. Eventually the nook was finished, just 30 minutes before my parents arrived for a long weekend.

Next was the food. What would I feed them? I had this awesome kitchen, now how about some grub? I was on a Good Housekeeping pedestal, so why not go for it? Food Network Chefs Sara Moulton and Emeril have spoiled the mysteries of phyllo dough such that I was brave enough to try it myself. Phyllo is the crispy, flaky pastry layers in spanakopita and fancy desserts. I was going to layer it and roll into it chicken & veggies, and top it with gravy (a “roux,” Emeril would say), much like a Greek chicken pot pie. Seemed simple enough. Reflecting on my paneling history, though, I had backup crescent roll dough at the ready.

I can’t say this project also went south on me. To the contrary, I spent about five bucks, and my little chicken roll-ups were a hit. I am sure I won’t be so lucky next time. In fact, I think I screwed up Malt-o-Meal the next morning. Maybe I should stick to woodwork.

My dad, my biggest critic, was charmed with the nook and the meal. The quality of light was supreme, and the colors harmonized with the hardwood floor and fireplace in the adjacent family room. The chicken was tender and moist, the veggies fresh and colorful. Our conversation centered on the joys of homeownership and me, Little Martha Stewart and Her Kitchen Skills. He asked when I was going to fix up the rest of the house. To which I handed him the remote and said: “HGTV, channel 71. Go for it.”